Impolite Conversation is a place where we can talk about the things we were told not to discuss in polite company - politics, sex, spirituality & religion and money - as well as science, culture, personal development and more. Our content is not all risqué or even rude: When we use the word "Impolite", we're talking about an attitude - one of not blindly following conventions or authority, especailly when they divide (or even oppress) us. Are you Impolite? Find out more about us here and join or community here

The Dogging Song

A celebration of outdoor group sex by Impolite favourite Graham Roos

Video still from The Dogging Song Video


They say that cocaine
is becoming a pain
and ecstasy such a bore;
acid and crack, hashish and smack
are really too much of a chore.


But now a craze is all ablaze
from London to Dundee;
for rich or for poor
though it’s breaking the law
it’s absolutely free.


Yes, everyone’s a swinger baby,
in or out of town,
everyone’s been at it lately,
white or beige or brown.


They’re dogging and shagging,
simply everyone’s gagging
to get out onto a heath
and though Clapham Common
is strictly for bottoms,
somebody must be beneath.


There’s footballers, hairdressers,

lady mud wrestlers
up for a peak or a poke,
there are harlots and hustlers
and even sheep rustlers
as well as your average bloke.


From the forests of Devon
to Buckingham’s parks
they’re having a prod and a peep
and in the valleys of Wales
the locals regale
tourists with tales of loose sheep.


You can watch from your cars
or swing under the stars
with one or with two or with three.
Be a voyeur fantastic
trussed up in elastic
this form of gymnastics is free
for couples consenting
to experimenting
under the shade of a tree.


By a dark and deep bush
you might fancy a push
under the moon’s silver light,
there’s no need to fake it
get totally naked
but watch it gets cold now at nights.


The young lad next door
or an out of work whore
who’s keeping her hand in for fun,
oh you’ll keep wanting more
and make new friends galore
and by accident sometimes a nun.


Yes everyone’s swinging,
they are dogging and diddling
for drugs are so yesterday.
Sneak into the night,
there’s no reason for fright
and no chat lines on mobiles to pay.


You might meet the vicar,
or a tranny who’s thicker,
a pop star, a judge or a nurse.
it’s all indiscreet this moist body heat
and it isn’t confined to this verse.


But when your fling has been flung
in Dawn’s purplish red
check your flies aren’t undone
when you creep home to bed.

Graham Roos

About the Writer

Graham Roos is a producer, writer and performer. His work has appeared in print, on stage, television and radio. Since 2011 he has been appointed the first Creative Artist in Residence at Buckingham University. His work has been performed by Derek Jacobi, Fenella Fielding and Janet Suzman and his publications include Rave (1997) and Apocalypse Calypso (2012).


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